Tips 4 Teens Stand Up 4 You

SELF ADVOCACY

YOU ARE ALREADY COOL !

I hope you already agree and think you are cool. If not - what is your definition of coolness?  Are you someone who looks in the mirror and sees only how too you are? You know, you are too short, too tall, have hair that is too curly, too straight, too any one of a thousand things. Perhaps it would be helpful to go over that list of coolness traits you have and see what things really make you cool. Like how you treat others and knowing how to be a friend come to mind for starters.

WHO DO YOU REALLY LOOK UP TO?

We all have interests or things that we really enjoy like music, or a cause that is important to us like the environment, or animal rights so look around and find someone who shares one of those interests and connect with them. This is called identifing your reference groups – the one’s you look up to. This can help you understand the source of the social identities that you aspire to or want to distance yourself from. Not only in middle and high school but in college. Look at the clubs, fraternity or sorority you want to associate with. What do they have that attracts you?

WHAT IS THE VALUE ADDED YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?

HOW DO THEY HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS!

As human beings we often seek to group people together based on similar differences.
A group refers to at least two people who interact with some frequency and who share a sense that their identity is somehow aligned with the group. We are included in the identity.

A gathering at an assembly at school is not a group. We gather at school, but we might not interact or share an identity yet. We might exist in the same place at the same time, but we are just a category.

ONE OF THE WAYS THAT GROUPS CAN BE POWERFUL IS THROUGH INCLUSION, OR EXCLUSION.

An in-group is where you feel you belong - you believe it to be an integral part of who you are. You can have the feeling of belonging in an elite or select group.

An out-group is where you don’t belong where you feel left out or there is competition.
You can have the feeling of not being allowed in or being in competition with another group. 

Group dynamics lead to some negative human behavior, such as bullying of those with disabilities, white supremacist movements, bullying of gay or lesbian students. We define others as “NOT LIKE US” and inferior which leads to “OTHERNESS”. but we are all connected.

Groups can end up judging others negatively based on their culture, race, sex, age, sexuality or disability. Groups form cliques of people showing favoritism and affinity for other in-group members and most organizations including schools are unable or unwilling to acknowledge it. Politics in a group leads to excluding others as a form of gaining status or used as power plays within the group. Exclusion is used to reduce someone’s perceived vulnerability or weakness or to strengthen the groups power. They are trying to validate themselves.

EXCLUSION IS ABOUT THE GROUP’S INSECURITY     AND LACK OF MATURITY.

EXCLUSION IS NOT ABOUT YOU!
MAKE OTHER CONNECTIONS! 

EXCLUSION OR OSTRACISM IS A FORM OF HARASSMENT.

YOU CAN HAVE DIVERSITY WITHOUT INCLUSION.

Inclusion involves having an individual being socially accepted, welcomed, treated equally, respected and valued for who they are.

CHANGING PEOPLES PERSPECTIVES

Groups who did not know each other might become friendly and depend on each other after all members have shared an experience.

REMEMBER CUPCAKES ALWAYS WORK TO CREATE ALLIES !!

So if there is another group or club that you would like to get to know having some cupcakes to share can go a long way in starting some positive interaction.

CHANGING BELIEFS
Beliefs are not always based on facts, and still, they are the hardest thing to change in a person. The thought is repeated so often that becomes our belief and creates a specific pathway in the brain. You will need to change these thinking patterns. To do this requires what is called cognitive dissonance.

• Know their influences and what’s important to them
• What they believe and why
• What would make me question that belief
• Make it their idea – have them list the pros and cons
• Compliment them on parts of their ideas that you agree with – they are more likely to consider your perspective
• Don’t use their language – their language is already charged

WHAT DO I WANT THEM TO BELIEVE

YOU CAN’T UNSEE THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM APPROACH

Topic – Inclusion

Fact – Diversity is not Inclusion.
And inclusion is not just being allowed in the room, it is active and valued participation. So, when you see a child with a disability look sad or say they are lonely – know that they may not be actively included at school or in the community. They are lonely.

You’ve done everything but connect the dots.

Now when that person hears a story about inclusion and students with disability, they’ll associate it with questioning if they are truly included or if they are lonely

TYPECASTING

We typecast others into something they are not. How are we identified?
How do we identify others?
How do we identify ourselves?

Have we accepted other’s beliefs about us?

WE ALL LEARN TO ADAPT TO OUR ISSUES.

Remember that 1st impressions make a difference and take 10 times to undo.
I’ve learned to be seated prior to a presentation = I put my seat at the highest level and use a foot stool since my legs dangle, and I shake hands at the presentation table seated.
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard in astonishment – “Oh!!! you are so short! I thought you were taller!!!!” being inappropriately blurted out when meeting off a stage.

Research shows that short people earn less, have less promotions, few CEO jobs, believed to be less smart, and in one song – “don’t have any reason to live”.

My son was very upset over being diagnosed with short stature! He researched the height of all the CEOs of all the fortune 100 companies and lamented that he was forever doomed for failure. So, my husband made him redo the research on all the founders of those companies. He was stunned by what he found. He had accepted the information without questioning it and it had affected his self-esteem and self-image! He found that corporate founders were self- driven vs coming up through a corporate pecking order, and height had no effect on their ability to succeed.

There exist an infinite number of traits that make each of us unique. Many of us mask our disabilities or have invisible disabilities.
You may never know that someone has a disability.

WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENCES.

1 in 4 adults in the United States (61 million) live with a disability.

26 percent of adults in the United States have some type of disability.

WE ARE NOT A MINORITY GROUP TO BE IGNORED!

 This is the first in a series addressing the hows, whys, and importance of self advocacy for students. Be sure to sign up for other blogs on this and many other topics in the world of education advocacy.

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 AUTHORS

Marie Lewis is an author, consultant, and national speaker on best practices in education advocacy. She is a parent of 3 children and a Disability Case Manager, Board Certified Education Advocate, and Behavior Specialist Consultant. She has assisted in the development of thousands of IEPs nationally and consults on developing appropriately individualized IEPs that are outcome based vs just legally sufficient. She brings a great depth of expertise, practical experience, and compassion to her work as well as expert insight, vision, and systemic thinking. She is passionate and funny and she always inspires and informs.

MJ Gore has an MEd in counseling and a degree in elementary education and natural sciences. She worked as a life-skills and learning support teacher She has been honored with the receipt of the Presidential Volunteer Service Award. She is the Director and on the faculty at the National Special Education Advocacy Institute. Her passion is social justice, especially in the area of education. She is a Board Certified Education Advocate who teaches professional advocates, educators, and clinicians the best practices in education advocacy.